"I am strong, I am tough, I will win"

(Warning: This is a marathon post in so many ways. Actually, it's an ultra marathon, as far as posts go, so get comfortable and grab a drink or a snack! This is my journal, my documentation of one of the most amazing experiences of my life, so no detail is spared. For the abridged version, see next paragraph)

This mantra is what got me through the marathon on Saturday. Anyone who has been reading my blog or knows me, is aware that my right leg hasn't been doing well from my hip to my knee. I suspect IT band syndrome but it turned into more of a hip problem the past week. I've rested it for the past two weeks, only doing 3 runs of less than 3-4 miles. I've iced it and visited the PT, etc. I did all I could to prepare for the marathon, but things didn't go as I wanted them to. If you want the short version, basically I started hurting at about 1.5 miles, thought I wasn't going to make it, but I pushed through and I finished! I was ecstatic, despite all the pain I endured for 26 miles, but I am ready to do it again. If you want the long version, read on...



The night before we left, Jared gave me this good luck pack with some beans, blister free socks, pain gel, sport guard with sunscreen, etc. He also wrote a really nice note saying, "You're amazing" which was really special to me and made me feel really good at a time I was feeling doubtful and worried about the race.



The next day, Kami, Heather and I left Utah County at 2:30 pm. We drove up to Logan, arriving about 4:30 or so. We picked up our packets then headed to the hotel to check in. It took us a while to find it since none of us are familiar with Logan and we didn't print off any maps because, let's face it, Logan is tiny and we didn't think it would be that hard.



After some zig-zagging through the streets, we found The University Inn, which is on the USU campus. I felt like such a traitor (since I'm a BYU grad) but at least USU's blue and white made me feel at home. Kami gave both Heather and I a little good luck pack to thank us for talking her into the marathon (she probably wasn't thanking us the next day!).



She said, "You guys just kept saying I could do it and I believed you!" It was a Braveheart CD, which she loves to run to, a Clif bar, nail polish (to make our ugly runner's feet pretty), and Hershey's Kisses. Here is Heather modeling the "rip away" pants she made from old pj's. She actually sewed velcro all down the sides so that she could wear them at the start, then rip them off just before the gun went off. I thought she was going to throw them away but she said, "After all that work, no way!" They cracked us up b/c they were so tapered and stuck out on the sides but I guess whatever works. getting settled and laughing hysterically while Kami blew up her air mattress, we went to find some dinner and load up on carbs.



We went somewhere in North Logan, we heard they had pasta specials so we tried it out. We thought it wouldn't be as crowded as the huge lines we saw outside Olive Garden and Chili's, but it was very full (even though there was no wait) and it took forever to get our food. Once we got it, it was delicious. Kami and I both got the Mediterranean pasta which was penne with artichokes, feta and balsamic, etc. With some rosemary bread and salad, we loaded up until we couldn't fit anything else in. By the time we finished it was after 8 pm and then we went back to the hotel. It was hard to get to sleep since we were all excited and nervous for the race the next day. Finally we shut off the lights about 9:45, with a 4:20 wake up call!!!

I was awake before the alarm went off. I had one of those nights where you look at the clock and it's midnight, then 2 am, then 3 am, then RING the alarm at 4:20 am. Yikes. We all got our gear on, ate some Clif bars and bananas, and got ready for the shuttle bus. Here I am just before we walked out the door with a cheesy smile and thumbs up.



At 5:15 the bus picked us up and took us to the finish line. There we loaded onto the buses which would take us up the canyon to the start. We waited quite a long time to get on the buses. They had a single file line (yes, ONE line) for everyone to get onto buses. They were individually checking bib numbers and chips, as everyone boarded. The chips, which were on our ankle, didn't excite me, but it didn't end up bothering me at all. It was mainly the hygiene factor- thinking about someone else wearing it before me. Yuck.



The bus ride seemed SO long! It's hard not to think, "Wow, we have to run all this way back!" Luckily the guy in front of us had run this marathon before and told us that the course veers off another way at the mouth of the canyon so we weren't driving the actual course. We got to the start, finally, at about 6:35. The first thing we did, like everyone else, was get in line at the port o potties! If you have run a race like this, you know the lines are crazy. It's hilarious how suddenly people's bodily functions are public info. One girl walked out of the potty and went "WHOOO HOO!" Her friend said, "She just had a good poop." Everyone was laughing. I just always get the nervous pee. I will go then have to go again immediately, and I know it's just my nerves and excitement. We hurried down to the start just in time, after waiting 25 minutes in line. Heather did a big dramatic rip of her pants- they worked beautifully. Maybe she's onto something. Kami and I had both brought little blankets and shoved them in our drop bags. (This photo was taken on my phone so it's grainy)



The gun went off and it was so exciting. I kept thinking how surreal it was. I couldn't believe the day had finally arrived! We kept it slow, trying not to get overexcited like some of those people who weave in and out and try to pass everyone. Soon enough it all spreads out and everyone is at their own pace, so it doesn't matter. We seriously had not completed one mile when we saw someone being carried off to the side, apparently hurt. So sad. I was so apprehensive about my knee issues and my leg. I was just trying not to even think about it. Unfortunately, after about 1.5 miles, I felt the old ache start in the side of my knee and I just thought, "Oh no, this can't be happening." I felt so angry b/c I had done everything I could to nurse this leg and get all the treatment I could for the past 2 weeks. I was not happy.

I didn't want to say anything to the girls and talk about it and make it worse. I tried not to panic. At mile 3 I told them I had to go to the bathroom, which was true, but I said to just go ahead and I would catch up. They said they'd walk thru the next water station. I had to wait a couple minutes for the potty but then I walked away from it, not knowing what to do. I seriously thought, "There is no way I am quitting this race." Even though I had no idea how on earth I could finish if I was already feeling like this. So for the next few miles, I just got through it one at a time. I jogged best I could, then walked through the water station and for another minute or so. Then I would speed up again and do it as long as I could stand the pain. I was only at mile 5 or 6 when I started using the pain gel! I put it on the outside of my knee and on my right hip flexor, which was really hurting. About this point I started to think, "Maybe I will finish 13 miles and call it good." I really thought I could get through a 1/2 marathon and might have to just be content with that. I was in enough pain that I felt justified in that. But could I really quit? How could I deal with that? After all my training and all the excitement leading up to it. I just couldn't wrap my head around that idea. Didn't like it. Not at all.



So I carried on, trying to distract myself. As I looked around, I realized at the pace I was going, I was in the "Damaged Goods" section. Ha. Seriously, a lot of people around me were limping or wearing braces. Some were older or looked like novice runners. That was ok. I was still moving, right? I listened to my iPod for a while but when I checked the battery, which had been fully charged, I noticed it was way low. I am due for an upgrade, mine is 4 years old so it doesn't hold the charge well. I won't go into the stupidity behind this decision. I should have brought Jared's nano, but whatever. So I turned it off and sang Primary songs to myself. I looked around at the gorgeous scenery- the canyon was all fall colors- red, orange, yellow, and green leaves. I loved it. I started thinking about different colors, i.e. Red, and thought of all the red things I could- rose, blood, apples, strawberries, lipstick, etc. (this was just a decoy to distract me from the pain) I went through all the colors I could see. By this time I was near mile 9 or 10. I started to think, "This isn't so bad. I am getting used to the pain." The camber of the road was pretty bad, so I hugged the right side and hoped it would allow me to keep my right leg straight, which helped a little. I started trying to focus on positive things and began chanting this verse in my head, "I am strong, I am tough, I will win." I will finish. I can do this. I am prepared. I deserve to finish. Any positive affirmation I could come up with. It helped. It was amazing, actually. I started to feel so good and so happy. I know, weird. I was still dying and by now my left hip flexor was joining the party. I am sure it was b/c I was trying to put as little pressure on my right and not bend it very much.

Through all that positive thinking, something amazing happened. I felt such strength. I believed in myself. I was doing it. In fact, I gave myself a little pat on the back at 8.5 thinking, "I am already 1/3 way done!" The next thing I knew, I was going through the 12 mile station. I had a chocolate Gu and half a banana. It was delicious. It felt like a great treat. It gave me energy. I kept the affirmations going. I found that I was just beaming. I talked with some of the other runners. I passed one girl and she was looking down and seemed to be struggling. I said, "How you doing?" She said, "I'm hanging in there." I said, "You can do it. Keep telling yourself you can do it! Push the negative thoughts out" She said, "Yeah, yeah thanks. I can do it." I felt like maybe I helped her a little, I don't know. But it helped me. About that time we passed the Mile 14 marker. There were tons of people on the sides of the road cheering and yelling. I was feeling so happy and smiling. I smacked high fives on some of the little kids' hands. I just believed that I could do it. I realized that I had passed that 1/2 marathon point and I was still going. I can't stop! I'm going to do this. "I am strong, I am tough, I will win. I will win. I WILL win. I will finish."

I let myself walk probably half of mile 16. I didn't want to do that but if I was going to get through it, I had to let my leg rest a little in between the jogging. I was so glad that I didn't have my Garmin on and I had no idea what time it was or what my pace was. That was such a blessing. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know how slow I was going and how far I was going to be from my goal. I just kept telling myself, "At least you're going. You're still moving. You're doing it." At mile 18 we came out onto a big road, then veered to the right through some houses. I walked again for about 1/2 mile, then told myself I would jog all the way to mile 20, where I would have another Gu. I got there and they were holding out the Gu's. They said, "Caffeine or no caffeine?" I said, "Give me the loaded one!" Just after that point I passed a time clock. Ugh. It said 3:49. Not good. Knowing I had 6 miles to go and I had to be over a 10 minute pace, that put me very close to 5 hour finish. I wasn't excited about that, but I told myself I could do it. I made a mental goal to finish no later than 5 hours. That meant I couldn't walk as much. I really needed to jog the rest of the time. I hadn't been listening to my iPod all this time b/c I wanted to save it for the end, when I really needed a morale boost. I told myself I would turn it on at 24 miles. The next few miles were great. It was so amazing that I could actually SEE the finish in my head. It was becoming a reality. In between all this, I was using the pain gel repeatedly on my knee and my hips. I don't know how much it really helped, but I somehow got numb to the pain, not that I couldn't feel it, but that I could push through it.

About mile 21 I started trying to distract myself again. I thought of 26 things that are harder than a marathon. If I could remember what they all were, I would write them. But a few were: passing physical science at BYU, having a baby natural, moving to Australia for 2 years, losing a baby, going on a mission, etc. I passed a funny sign that said," Gatorade 98 cents, Clif bar $1.50, Peeing your pants while running a marathon = priceless". That gave me a laugh. I passed mile 22, had another 1/2 banana. Feeling good now. It's getting closer. I passed a girl talking to her husband. He said, "How are you doing?" She said, "I'm going slow." I was just going by and I said, "But you're still going! You're still moving!" People probably thought I was so weird. I was just on such a high b/c my goal was going to be accomplished. I was within an hour of completing this marathon. At this point, after all I had pushed through, that felt like nothing. I was so happy to finish mile 23 b/c that meant I could turn on my iPod! I loved it. Mile 24 was all downhill, what a blessing... you would think. When your knee and hips are hurting, it's excruciating! I was practically tiptoeing down the hill- I couldn't really use it to speed up- but that was ok. Soon I saw mile 25 and we were out on main street! There were tons of cars and people. I was running past people who had finished the marathon (I kind of wanted to hurt them a little bit, is that wrong?) I also wasn't happy to see a hill coming up. Hills are not good for IT band issues. Luckily, there weren't too many during the race. Luckily we do hills every Wednesday in our training. I was telling myself, "I'm going to kill this hill. This hill is nothing." Soon I was over it and passing the place we picked up our packets and then turning a corner- hopefully getting close to the finish! Then I saw a woman with a Loco t-shirt on. That's the group we ran with in Draper a few weeks ago. So I started talking to her. She's about 55 and this is her 3rd marathon in 3 months! She's also doing St. George in 2 weeks. How amazing! She said she forgot her orthodics so her feet weren't doing well. We talked injuries and how great it was to just FINISH! We were both so excited. We passed the 26 mile sign!!! How awesome. We rounded the corner to the finish and she said, "We've got to speed up." I said,"You can!" thinking that there was no way I was going to speed up. I was so ready to be done. Then I saw the time clock. It said 5:00:10. I was about to make my goal (not my first goal but my second) and I thought I am not going to finish a minute beyond 5 hours. So I somehow found some strength in there, I guess it was pure adrenaline, and I sped up. That's gun time so hopefully I will be barely under 5 hours once my chip time comes in, but results aren't posted so I don't know. EDITED: I checked my chip time and it was 4:59:39. I am so happy that I stayed under 5 hours and but I can't wait to blast this time with a new PR! I would love to finish around 4 hours next time.



I crossed the line and they read my name. It was the most euphoric feeling ever. I was so pumped. Heather and Kami were right there and came over and hugged me. They finished about 25 minutes before me and had been concerned how I was doing, etc. I was just gushing and gushing. I mentally had such a fabulous race. It was the positive thinking and the affirmations that kept me going and gave me so much to pull from. I was also praying my heart out and begging please, please, could I at least finish this race, in whatever condition, just let me finish. I know that I was blessed and that I was given strength. The pain was not taken away but I was supported and I was carried through. One of the Primary songs I had in my head was "If the Savior stood beside me". I love that song and it made me think that my Savior was beside me and that He suffered for all my pain and that He knew what I was going through. What was my trial compared to His? I was so happy that Heather actually said, "You're really happy for someone who has been in pain for 26 miles." I said, "I am just so glad that I am done. I did it!"

Well we got our picture taken, got some food, then rode a shuttle back to the hotel. We showered and cleared out of there. I was hoping to go to lunch right away but we decided to have some snacks and go to the Cheesecake Factory in SLC. It doesn't take much convincing to get me to the Cheesecake Factory. One of the things we said 4 months ago when we registered was that we'd go have a great lunch and get some cheesecake. Well, we got there 2 hours later and the line was crazy. We ended up going to Olive Garden, which is SO not my favorite restaurant. But after a marathon and a few hours waiting to eat, Chuckarama would probably be my favorite! We got an artichoke appetizer, breadsticks, soup, and pasta (yes, more pasta). We had so much fun talking and laughing and enjoying our victory. I just love those girls and had so much fun with them this weekend. We started talking about what race we're going to do next. Isn't that crazy!? Just a 1/2 marathon though, not a full. Not yet. Maybe in a year. Hopefully I will still be able to run. Yikes.



So after our meal, we did end up going to Cheesecake Factory, but just to get dessert. We had definitely earned it. Looking at the display, I had the hardest time choosing what to get. But then I saw two of the most beautiful words, "Tiramisu" and "Cheesecake" and they were together. No question. Had to get it. I also got a chocolate cake to take home to the kids and Jared.



My mom had made this sign for me. Wasn't that sweet? I was so happy to see my family when I got home. It was like I had made this very long journey and I was returning to them a somewhat different person. I felt different. Olivia said to me, "Mom did you win your race?" And I said, "Yes, yes I did. I didn't come in first, but I definitely won." It felt good.



I sat down with the kids and we had a great little celebration with the yummy cheesecake and chocolate tower cake. It's safe to say the kids enjoyed the dessert. Aren't they adorable?



I limped around all evening, getting the kids bathed and in bed, picking up, unpacking my bag, etc. Once the kids were settled in, I grabbed about 4 ice packs and shoved them in my pants (yes, that's where your hip flexors are), wrapped one around my knee, and put my feet on the last, a bag of beans (thank you for the idea Kristi and Anne). Jared and I watched Atonement, my choice, since I have been dying to watch it since we read the book last month for bookclub. I have to say I really enjoyed the movie, despite Kiera Knightly. I guess James McAvoy makes up for her! Anyway, I went to bed completely content and so happy that I completed this race. And even though my time is not nearly what I wanted, on the positive side, I can only go up. I laid down in bed, feeling exhausted and thinking that I would be asleep in no time. However, I found that I was still so excited, the adrenaline still pumping. I couldn't sleep. I had to get my iPod and turn on Enya to calm my mind and help me relax.

"I HAVE FOUGHT A GOOD FIGHT, I HAVE FINISHED MY COURSE, I HAVE KEPT THE FAITH." 2 TIMOTHY 4:7

PS If you actually read this entire post, I want to congratulate you. You can wake up now. Yes, that's it, get up. Shake your legs, stretch, go to bed!