Making the Most of motherhood

My friend Britney sent me this amazing talk by Michaelene Grassli the 2006 Mother of the Year. It had so many wonderful things in it I wanted to share and I couldn't find it online anywhere, so I am posting my favorite parts (which is alot). It really inspired me and helped me to get that vision that we sometimes lose as mothers. Focus! Focus! I have to remind myself sometimes. Anyway, If you want the whole thing let me know and I will email it to you. (American Mothers Inc is the organization that awarded her the title)

"My one final mothering hint is just to enjoy, enjoy, enjoy your children. If you don’t, then learn how to, because that alone will generate the kind of mothering that will help your children grow up feeling like good people, because you enjoy them so much. Your relationship with them can be the enduring one, so it is worth everything you can do to learn abut them and how to help them develop into the kind of people they want to be."

"You can do this because you want to. I know you want to because you are here. You can do this because you are capable. You can do this because God has made you a mother. Not just a mother, but the mother for your particular children, with their particular personalities, physical characteristics, intelligence,--and problems. If God made you their mother, then God is there to hold your hand and lead you along and help you create their refuge. And in the process, you become the person you and God want you to be."

Today I want to put the power of your mind into action and make a plan to create a refuge for your family. We're going to do that in three steps.



First, you're going to think about and write what your refuge will look like. I'm not talking about what you will do—we'll talk about that in a minute. Write what you will feel and see happening that will let you know your home is a refuge. Think about what you want your children to gain from living with you? Think about what you want your children to remember about their childhood? Do you want them to remember home as peaceful or a battleground? Do you want them to look forward—at any age—to coming home or to dread it? Do you want them to feel that they are loved and appreciated or that they are a pain and a bother to you? I had a friend whose baby was nicknamed"Nuicey." I heard them call her this several times, when I asked about it and they told me it was short for nuisance! I hoped that baby wouldn't remember her nickname.

Step two, think now about what you are doing to create that refuge. Write it down. List all the things you and your husband are doing that are specifically designed to build this loving family structure. Are they working? Some do and some don't. Write them all down. Are the words you are using, words that draw your family members close to you and to each other? How about the tone of your voice? Are you so busy doing that you are not thinking about how everybody feels?



"What is best for the children?" It doesn't mean you give up taking care of yourself and your marriage. In fact, doing that would not be best for the children. Rather it means this: consider the effect of an action or decision on the basis of how it will affect the children. Sometimes these are hard decisions. I discovered early in my motherhood that doing the right thing for children is usually the hardest. It is hard to get up early in the morning. It is hard to say no to a child and stick to it. It is hard to smile when you don't feel like it. It is hard to interrupt what you are doing and listen. It is hard to get out of an abusive relationship. It is hard to give tough love. It is hard to improve a not so good marriage. That is what I am asking you to do—to make hard decisions. What I want you to do is what is right, not what is easy. And here's a secret, the more you do what is right, the easier it becomes.

If I were you I would stop caring what other people think. Why do we make decisions based on what other people think, anyway? It's a hard thing to learn. But, no one else has your particular set of circumstances. And in reality, the people across the street don't care what you do. I don't say that to give you an excuse to let everything go. That would not be responsible. You are capable, and powerful, and you can make wise decisions without considering whether people outside your family will approve.



What's working and what's not working? Are you doing anything unintentionally that would detract from the feeling of refuge in your home? List them all. And that brings us to the third and final step. Make a new plan and put it to work. This is an opportunity for you and your husband to think about how to change things so you can create this refuge for your family.



Our goal as mothers is to make our nest so strong that the storms of life will not destroy our family or our children. We want our children to be protected and nurtured until they are strong enough to venture forth on their own. What is beautiful, noble, courageous, and fine in your children will come from the refuge that is their family.

I want you to leave today, knowing that you are capable, powerful, and wise, that what your mind can imagine, you can create. With your hand in the hand of God, you can create a continuous, uninterrupted, loving family circle, a refuge for your children where they can become beautiful, noble, courageous, and fine.