no photos please

Well since this blog is all about getting real and telling it like it is, here is a joyful post. Feel free to go read someone's lovely post about gratitude or how they just bought a new car or whatever... b/c you're not getting it here, sorry. I am just feeling cranky. I will share some reasons why I am justifying this bad mood to myself:

1. Last night I had to do a Thai demo at Enrichment. They just called me on Monday. The theme was "Around the world in 90 minutes". I was getting some things together and cleaning up the kitchen at about 5:55 pm when I turned around to find my kids had destroyed the house in a time period of like 3.7 minutes. There were toys everywhere. All 100 crayons from our Crayola set were strewn around the house. Every coin from Olivia's cash register, also sprayed across the floor. About 1/2 ream of paper as well, mixed in with every toy from the play room. I was going to be late already. I was supposed to print something that I was going to have to go to my in-laws to do, since I don't have a printer, and I was stressed b/c Ashley hadn't slept all day and I was going to have to take her with me. Ticking time bomb.

2. The one thing I wasn't stressed about was the Thai demo. It sounded really low key (they had called me 3 days before) and they said we'd be in the "hall" since there was another ward's Enrichment going on at the same time. So, I took a small basket of books and a wooden Buddha thing, Thai Book of Mormon, etc. (not much) Well I get there, and we are in the CULTURAL hall (thanks for clarifying) and the other countries that had been invited had done HUGE displays with lots of stuff draped around. The girl for Samoa actually wove grass baskets and made a hut. Yes, a hut, out of wood and leaves. Spiderman was sleeping inside. She also made a simple fish meal. Oh, I felt SOOO dumb and lame and unprepared. I like to think that I am usually on the ball with these kind of things. The girl for Tonga had 4 huge mats on display and special paper they make for their dowry. Then she had her daughter do a traditional dance. The one for Ireland, a fellow American, had her girls come do Irish dancing. They compete nationally. The Indian one had gorgeous saris hanging on her display and showed us the proper way to put one on and wear it (really fascinating). Then, there was me. We had a table and a chalkboard. Luckily, we had a food demonstration that saved the day. My friend Sue, who goes to the same Thai cooking classes and is a member of our ward, is a phenomenal cook. If it wasn't for that, I would have left crying I think. So, I talked a bit about people, culture, language, etc. and spelled people's names on the board, taught them to say hello, then she cooked two dishes. Talk about feeling like a loser. I will never be asked to do anything again, I bet.

2. On top of that, when I arrived at the church, I had forgotten powder for Ashley's bottles. HELLO! How long have you had this baby? What was I thinking? I could picture it sitting there on the counter, right where I left it. UGH. So I left quickly, before we started, to go find some. The thing is, in Australia places close early. They're not all 24 hour like we are spoiled with. I found a place right near the church. Sign said, "Supermarket Open 7 days" They closed at 7 pm. It was 7:02. I am not kidding. I had to go all the way into Surfer's Paradise, which is like the heart of the Gold Coast- tourist shops and neon lights everywhere. Thank goodness I found a pharmacy that carried formula. Luckily I was able to find my way back to the church w/o getting lost- it's not an area I know well at all.

3. My husband is out of town AGAIN. Seriously, I should have just stayed in America for all I see of him. (Sorry Jared, I know it's not your fault). He was gone for twelve days and got back about a week ago. He just left Wednesday for a day in Cairns, then went straight from Brisbane airport down to Taree until Sunday. Nice seeing you. Then, he leaves again next week and will be gone about 5 days. He will also be gone July 15-20 and from July 28-Aug 2 and on and on. I feel like a single mother and I think I am acting like the one I saw on Supernanny last week. I am seriously praying for patience with my kids b/c I know I am unfairly taking it out on them. And I shouldn't be feeling this way when I just had a great spa day on Tuesday. I know, I know. Why does that seem like a distant memory?

4. Today I open my Ensign from Jan and what do I see? "The Joyful Surprise of Motherhood". A whole article about how motherhood is a blessing, etc. etc. I know this is true, but it sure is hard to feel that sometimes. I read a quote from Elder Scott that was highlighted. It says, "Beware of the subtle ways Satan employs to take you from the plan of God and true happiness...This is an attack at the very heart of God's plan... to nuture children in an atmosphere of understanding, peace, appreciation and support." I was feeling SO guilty by this point. Obviously I was inspired to pick up that issue of the Ensign b/c I about tied Olivia to her bed when naptime came today. I just needed some quiet so badly. How do you find joy when you are feeling exhausted and frustrated and short of patience? When your baby won't go to sleep and your 3 yr old fights you about everything?

Ok, had to get all of that out. I could probably come up with some more supportive facts but I will spare you all at this point. I know I am just in a bad mood so the little things seem really 'big' and annoying... but when you're in the moment it's hard to keep a sensible perspective. I am working on it. I need some serious stress management courses, therapy or whatever. What do you guys do for stress? Am I the only one who has such a low tolerance? I tell my husband that I am working on the problem and "at least I can admit it". He jokes that this is just the first step. Like I have to actually DO something about it now. Right. Just one more thing to stress about!