I find myself feeling jealous as I observe my new baby girl. She is completely new and fresh. She has a clean slate. She is happy just to be held and talked to. She loves unconditionally. She has no expectations, no stress. What a world that would be to live in.
It seems that everyone around me is going through some sort of life evaluation (thank you Lori and Kelly). I feel like I am in some kind of mid life crisis too (ok, if I live to be 60... but whatever). I have moved across the world to a place completely unfamiliar to me. I had to sell the better part of my material possessions just to get here. Try sorting through your ENTIRE house and deciding what to sell, take or donate. During this time, I was pregnant and had the baby a month after moving to another hemisphere. Being without my family, familiar places, friends, possessions, etc. really has made me evaluate what makes me happy. I think I have been kind of a wimp. I have been making excuses in my head to justify the feelings that have flooded me over the past few months. However, when I really look at myself honestly, I don't have an excuse. All these things influence my happiness, yes. But should it define my state of mind? Should the lack of these things I love really determine whether or not I get through the day or the next day and the next? No. If I am true to who I should be (in a divine sense), then I don't need these other things to be happy. My goodness, I was almost suicidal after not having the internet for 10 days! How sad is that? Why is it so hard to focus on what is really important? It's so much easier to moan and complain about what we don't have. About why life is hard for us. About why we should be sad or angry. There are so many distractions out there. I feel like I am 30 and I still don't have a clue what it's all about. Yet, I know I do. I have the handbook on life, don't I? I have church leaders who basically TELL me HOW to read the handbook, in case I can't do it on my own. Like Randy said in Kelly's blog (if you're interested, link to Lori's then choose Kelly's) we choose NOT TO BE GREAT. What are we afraid of? Why can't we just follow the steps that are laid out in front of us? It's not that easy, is it? I guess if it was we wouldn't be here...
You guys are all making me think WAY too much, but thank you. Thanks for being honest in your blogs. Thank you for being real. It's helping me to get real too. I guess I have always felt like I couldn't tell someone, "Yes, I am having a hard time." or "Yes, I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed." It's a great relief to me to learn that we CAN tell it the way it is. I guess the title for my blog was inspired. I'm telling it 'like it is'.
4 comments:
Excellent thoughts Robyn, I think Kelly's blog has triggered some deep thoughts eh? Or perhaps not thoughts, but the courage to articulate them openly. Either way, I think this is a great outlet for sorting them out and gaining outside insights. (That sounds like an oxymoron.)
I think you're totally justified in feeling overwhelmed, sad, frustrated, cutoff and alone--you have been dealing with MAJOR life changes. But it's great that you're pulling out of it and realizing what's important to you, what defines, what things you really need to happy. It's kind of cool really.
Yeah, I am not quite to the 'it's kind of cool' way of thinking yet... but trying.
I am glad you are feeling comfortable opening up. It is a relief to get it out. When you do you'll find a lot more people in the same situation.
cute
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