So, I was talking to my mom on the phone today and she was saying that she and my sisters have decided (conceded) that I am happy here. I was a bit surprised to hear her say that because I think I have been kind of negative in my conversations and posts... but apparently not. That's funny b/c usually I like to think that I am pretty optimistic but in reality I am quite pessimistic. I know, this is a messed up psychological tangle on which a psychologist could base a masters thesis... Anyway, I had to think about it for a moment. Have I tried to cover the truth? That there are many days I am sad and really homesick. That I often think about when I can leave this place and move back. That as nice as Jared's family is.. they aren't MY family. I don't know. Maybe I was trying to convince myself that I am happy. Has it worked? Not sure yet. I am feeling a lot more content this week than I have in a long time. I have attributed that to the recent weaning of Ashley, mostly. However, maybe I am also finally coming to terms with the fact that I live here now, and it's not so bad. I never thought it would be bad, but I knew it would be a difficult change and I never expected to love it. I am most certainly not at that point yet. But I do hope that while I am here, however long that may be, I can be happy and enjoy life. It's a gorgeous place to live and life is pretty good.
4 comments:
It good to hear that you miss us. I have been unsure by the mere fact that you have all the support you need there so how could you (i am so glad that you do have family around you still). Of course I know your family is "your family" and that's hard to replace. I am really glad you are feeling more comfortable in your new home. Please know there is always a void (at least for me it is palpable) when we get together now. We miss you guys.
I can never tell how you're doing. You don't seem miserable, but you don't seem happy either. Your post about weaning Ashley was the first time I thought you sounded good.
I hope you're able to adjust to life there, and I keep praying that you'll make some good friends (because that will make a big difference).
I like these thoughts - they just seem so honest. It reminds me of something my grandma always used to tell me: "you can love anyplace you live... and you might as well!" It's been true in my experience. There is always an adjustment period and some sadness and loneliness, but eventually I always do end up loving wherever I live. I hope it will be true for you as well.
For me there is a special kind of loneliness living out of the country. Hard to explain: not just that your family is so far away, but just that you're not in your native land. Does that make any sense? Anyway, I feel for you, Robyn.
I love your post! Well travel and foreign lands for me is a bliss...I think the adjustment part is that you miss the stuff you had and the way you used to do things...and having to experience this sometimes in inconvinient ways or different ways is when you start to feel homesick--missing family is also sad but a great opportunity to grow and mature in so many different ways. Moving with a whole family might be different and challenging but the blessings out of it, I believe will be priceless. At least you have a beautiful place to live in (although it is your state of mind what determines if you enjoy it or not) so keep the good positive thoughts and attitude that is such a good way to look at things. My brother and family (4 kids) just moved to Houston from Perth (Tracey is from there and her parents lived 10 min away) so since they got married 10 years ago they lived there! so they now came to Houston (no family lives around there) but they have talk about going back to Austrlia to the Gold Coast for Vacation and have her parents join them there! Hang in there it is a transition that must take place.
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